Sunday was our fist day at the babies home. It was unbelievably overwhelming. As I walked into the room where the babies are kept, it's a bit dark and hard to see. The room is lined with approx. 15 cribs. I start looking around the room, looking for Love. As his mother I expected to know immediately who he was. I didn't. That worried me. When they handed him to me, I expected to become overwhelmed with emotion and an instant love. I didn't. That worried me. My mind started spinning. The doubt and fear crept in. What was i doing here? Why had I not noticed an immediate connection? I began questioning why we were even adopting in the first place. Back in my room, I cried and prayed. I asked the Lord all the above questions. and I waited. The Lord was so good and faithful. He provided, throughout the week, several times for me to be alone with Love. He assured me that Love was my child. He created that bond. I am happy to say that over the course of the week, Love and I fell madly in love with each other.
Working at the babies home is more than overwhelming. The mama's are intimidating. There are approx. 50 children at this home. Approx 20 of them are 18 months and younger. I was surrounded by babies covered in dirt and snot. Some with disabilities, some with physical scars, all with emotional scars. Again, I started questioning why I was there. Was I really doing anything to help these children? What good can 1 week out of the year provide them? I struggled with my purpose. Softly the Lord whispered in my ear, 'These are my children. You are being my hands holding them. You are My love in the flesh. You are doing a great thing.' Again, He proved faithful. I held crying babies. I comforted those who were hurting. I prayed over them and will continue to do so daily. I'm thankful they got to feel love, even if it was just 1 week.
On Thursday I came face to face with my biggest fear. Being somewhere with no way home. At the beginning of the week, Jade and I were able to do all the things on my to-do list, so we decided to take an earlier flight home. Well, do to some miscommunication, we missed our flight. I was devastated. It, my friends, was ugly. I called Trey looking for comfort. He tried his best, but he was half way across the world. I looked to Jade for comfort. Thankfully, she sprung into action. She held herself together and worked on getting us a way home. As much as she tried, I still didn't have comfort. It wasn't until I cried to the Lord that I felt peace. I prayed. Oh boy, did I pray. I asked the Lord to take my anxiety. I released to Him the thoughts that were holding me captive. I acknowledged that He had gone before me. He knew we were going to miss our flight. He had a plan. I prayed for an attitude reflective of His. Again, He proved faithful. He provided me with a supernatural peace and comfort. He provided a great last day for Jade and I. He provided a flight home the next day. He gave us seats on every flight. We are home. Glory be to God!
Trying to come up with the right words for my experience is something I'm not sure I'll ever be able to do. My sweet friend, Suzanne, gave me a notebook full of scripture and quotes before I left. Reading through it Sunday morning, a quote popped out to me. It is a perfect way to sum everything up:
"Anticipate coming face to face with impossibilities; situations totally beyond your ability to handle. This awareness of your inadequacy is not something you should try to evade. It is precisely where I want you-the best place to encounter Me in My Glory and Power!" -Unknown
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