Preparing

Welp, we signed for our home study, made our final (gulp) payment, and it is now complete. What's that? You wanna throw a party for us? Sure! Go ahead! Anyways, having it complete is one huge step closer to coming face to face with our new baby love. Knowing we could be traveling soon makes me so so excited and so so nervous at the same time. I'm trying to prepare myself. (I'm getting that it's almost impossible to completely prepare). My mind races. What will I see? How much can my heart handle? Who will we fall in love with? Who does God have in store for our family? And I'm struck with a thought. Am I completely open to who God has for us? What if they aren't completely healthy. My heart starts racing. Then I wondered, "What if my sweet baby love has HIV?" My friends, it's a very possible scenario and I was struck with fear and lots of unknown. What if? So I've been doing research. Lots. And guess what? It's not as scary as you think. (as I thought). Through my research, I've come across some pretty great blogs of women who care for love deeply children with HIV. So rather than smack you with statistics and numbers, I'll let you read what it's like to live with HIV on a daily basis. I feel it's more real this way. You get a glimpse of a real life, not just text. Mandie Joy is an amazing person I've met via Facebook and oh.my. do I admire her. Here's a glimpse into her thoughts. It was pretty eye opening to me. And heart opening. May my life be not my own. May He rid me of my selfish thoughts and tendencies. May my heart be completely open to whomever my Father decides to bless us with. My baby love will be perfect for our family no.matter.what.