my ugly heart.

Today has been a day full of griping. {who am i kidding. this month has been full of griping} The ugly parts of my heart have been shining a little too brightly. I'm ashamed of my attitude. Of my actions. I'm in a hard season right now. It's a season of getting little to no sleep. A season of clingy kids. A certain blonde haired, blue eyed beautiful baby who screams when I walk out of a room. The longest winter of my life. {all I want to is to be able to send my energy ladened boys OUT SIDE and not have them come in as popsicles.} and I'm letting it get the best of me. Trey left Saturday night for a 4 day fishing trip and can I just say I'm not cut out to be a single parent. My poor kids. We're in a season of 'down'. Meaning no adoptions. No huge things on the horizon. In these down seasons I find myself slowly drifting from the Truth. Slowly drifting from the One who can fill me with joy. and drifted I have. It's become incredibly obvious. My heart has been full of grumbles. Of complaining when I have so much to be thankful for. But today, right when I needed it, He gave me some time. Some time to talk with Him uninterrupted. He showed me His love, grace and mercy as He miraculously gave me time while ALL four kids napped at the same time. He gave me some time to soak up His grace and He gave me these words from 'Jesus Calling'.

"Let thankfulness temper all your thoughts. A thankful mind-set keeps you in touch with Me. I hate it when My children grumble, casually despising My sovereignty. {ouch} Thankfulness is a safeguard against this deadly sin. Furthermore, a grateful attitude becomes a grid through which you perceive life. Gratitude enables you to see the Light of My Presence shining on all your circumstances. Cultivate a thankful heart, for this glorifies Me and fills you with Joy."

I want to perceive life more beautifully. I want to see Joy in little arms reaching to be held. I want to see Joy in a babe's cry in the night. My baby that I prayed and longed for for so long. I want my boys to know a Joyful mom who can be thankful for the hard. I want to radiate Joy. His Joy. Having a thankful heart is the start. a beautiful start.