toward forever

Ever struggled with the 'need' to fit in? Ah, man, I have! I struggled a lot with it in Junior High and High school. That struggle for me manifested into an eating disorder, very low self esteem, seeking acceptance from the wrong people in the wrong places, and a lovely path of what could have been major destruction. Thankfully, with a lot of the 'right' love from the right people, my path was drastically changed. I'm thankful to have moved past most of that at this point in my life, but every now and then my 'need' to fit in still gives me fits. And can I just tell you that while adopting and being passionate about it, you don't really have the 'fit in' quality. My priorities have changed. My life goals have changed. What I choose to do on weekends have changed. It doesn't give me an opportunity to 'fit in' to what the world seems appropriate. I've been told I'm not 'normal'. I've been told I'm over the top. I've lost clients, friends, acceptance. And it hurts. And it's freeing. My life here is quite short. Time is not guaranteed. So if my conviction calls me to be 'not normal' right now, to stand up and stand out, so be it. Thankfully, the pain of hurt feelings are temporary. I'm working toward forever.