"This is what the Lord says:

'Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans,

who rely on human strength and turn their hearts away from the Lord.

They are like stunted shrubs in the desert,

with no hope for the future

They will live in the barren wilderness,

in an uninhabited salty land.

But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.

They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water.

Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought

Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit.

The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked.

Who really knows how bad it is?

But I, the Lord, search all hearts and examine secret motives.

I give all people their due reward,

according to what their actions deserve.

........

O Lord, if you heal me, I will be truly healed;

If you save me, I will be truly saved.

My praises are for you alone!"

{Jeremiah 17:1-10 and 14}

This.

This is why.
This is why it's okay I've lost clients.
This is why it's okay we've lost friends.
This is why it's okay for us to live without.
This is why I placed my first born in the hands of my Father as I was able to travel half way around the world from him for 4 weeks and have peace about it.
This is why my passion is so overwhelming.
This is why it's okay for people to be 'uncomfortable' around me.
This is why I focus on what He has called us to do.
This is why we MUST be the change.

A life time ago. {one year rewind}

A year ago today, I was jet-lagged, naive, anxious, hopeful, terrified, overwhelmed, giddy, (and I'm sure many many more emotions!) as I walked across red dirt to meet my son for the first time. We walked through the glass pane double doors, my eyes adjusting from the harsh sunlight outside to the dim lighting inside. I see a room outlined in cribs. One of those cribs is his. We look around as the mama's stare. I'm intimidated. lost. terrified. I can't find him. Will I know him? I try to visualize the last picture I was sent of him. What kind of mom won't recognize her own child? We go from crib to crib. No baby Love. We ask and are told he is at bath and feeding time. We go. I'm overwhelmed at the  sight of so many many babes. Crawling, naked, looking for someone to hold them.  The sound, indescribable. so much crying. I can't think straight. We ask for my babe. He's not there. Then I start to worry. The Mama tells us to go look in the baby class. We walk around back. My stomach is in my throat. We take our shoes off, open the door and step in. We're greeted by Teacher Jaque {who immediately terrified me! Thankfully during my next trip, I really got to know and love her very, very much!} I can't speak so Jade does for me. We're looking for Solomon. She nods toward the crib. My mind starts spinning. Slowly, I make my way over to his crib, careful not to step onto the babies crawling, rolling, and laying. All begging to be held. My mind reels. My expectations high. It's the moment I've waited for, imagined since August. I'm meeting, for the first time, the child that the Lord has delivered to us. I peek in and he's there. I know it's him. I'm thankful I know it's him. I don't get to hold him long because of class room rules. So we sit on the floor and I stare at him. I'm in awe, confused, and overwhelmed. {I know I've used overwhelmed A LOT, but really it was the feeling of the week. No other way to describe the experience of my first trip.} I look at him and know I want to soak up as much time with him as possible, knowing I will be leaving in 7 short days. Not knowing when I will be returning. And I pray. I thank God for him. I thank God for protecting him. and I thank God for delivering him into our family.