Flesh

    I look at him and I remember. The heartbreak.heartache. Deep down, something happens without me realizing it. Bitterness.Anger.Ugly. I'm reminded of all that's happened to bring us to this place. The loss of babies. the isolation. the lack of understanding. Questions burning. Why? Why did we have to loose babies, part of me.part of my flesh.my heart, to finally find our son? To find our son, but still struggle. What was the point? Then, I'm reminded. Look beyond myself. Live beyond myself. "My purpose is beyond me. My seasonal circumstances are often beyond me. My unrelenting daily demands are beyond me."-Beth Moore  Something clicks. His purpose for all of this is bigger than me. He can see past today and tomorrow. He knows where this is going. I don't need to. "A powerful masquerading misery-maker is living inside ourselves."-Beth Moore  Man oh man, have I been miserably living inside myself. I search my heart. Now's the time. Time to let change take place. Time to crucify my own will and agenda for His. I have to forgo the rights to my feelings. Ask Him to come in and change my day. My heart.minute by minute.hour by hour.day by day. Time to accept the Holy Spirit and all the power He brings. He never said it wouldn't hurt, but promised it will be worth it. For so long, I've felt He allowed pain, uncomfortable circumstances, hurt, in order to set me up for failure. Imagine the joy and relief when He revealed He hasn't set me up for failure. Not at all! He has set me up for change that can only come through Him. Deuteronomy 7:6 tells me He chose me. I am holy to Him and He chose me to change in Him to become more like Him. I GET to be different in Him!

    I've been asked if I regret adopting our sweet boy. With much confidence I can say "Absolutely Not!" We are so blessed to have him. He brings joy, laughter, unconditional love and rhythm into our lives. Without him, I wouldn't be learning to surrender to the Lord. Without this journey, the Holy Spirit would not be bringing His healing power to me. I'm so astounded He chose me for this path. I'm so.so grateful He gave His Son so He could graciously give us what we need. Finally, I am at a place I can now happily accept.

Celebrate

Sheesh. Would have done this a week ago, but blogger was being lame and not letting me. April 14th, we got to celebrate our little chubbacup's 1st birthday. We were in awe that we got to experience this milestone with him, here in our home. Our hearts were full of joy and wonder. full of grief and sadness for his birth-mom. We prayed for her. for her heart. that she would know that he is alive and very much loved. We spent the day showing Solomon he's loved and celebrating him. Thank you, Liz for making his day extra special and coming down to take pictures for us:

Solomon Jude, we love you and are so thankful for what you bring to our lives!

Dear Uncomfortable,

Dear Uncomfortable,

Yes, I am a mother of 2.

And, yes, it so happens that one of my son's skin is more pigmented than mine.

Yes, he was born of an other's womb, but born of my heart.

Sadly, we did have to pay a ransom for our son, but he's oh.so.worth it.

It's a shame that you can't see him. See him for what he is. He's our son. God just put him in our family a little differently than 'normal'. He's a human, person, baby. Just like you. your sons and daughters. your brothers and sisters. your grandchildren.

Dear Uncomfortable,
Thank you. Thank you for reiterating to me that what we are doing is right. If the 'world' is comfortable with what we are doing, then we aren't doing something right. 

spring.break

For a little spring break trip, my mom and I took my 8 {but acts more like 18} year old sister, and my two little crazies on a little mid week trip. We hit up the zoo, then traveled down to the Abe Martin Lodge in Brown County to spend the night. It was a good trip {although, I think it was too early for me to take Solomon somewhere overnight without Trey. I might have been a crazy, stressed out mess. Sorry, mom!}